& I think to myself,...

... what a wonderful world... (Louis Armstrong)

Do you ever stop to marvel at all there is around us? The intricacies of a blossom floating serenely to the chilled November ground, or the way the wind blows up a storm of leaves that chase you down a rainy sidewalk? I am constantly reminded of all the mathematical miracles that nature exudes. Autumn is a spectacular time of year.

When do people loose this childlike wonder and excitement? Perhaps it's the necessity of adulthood to throw off the giddy acts of exuberance in favor of a more reserved type of nature adoration. Yet, I can't see much to hiding forever the joy of witnessing life pass by each day. Wouldn't the self imposed modesty of your affections really just be another way of lying to yourself? It just seems so depressing. I want to run into the wind with a coat clinging to my shoulders, desperately attempting to stay on my body and not get swept away with the horde of leaves and other tree debris as they come rushing by. I want to wear huge boots and jump into fresh mounds of snow for the mere pleasure of feeling it squish under my feet and watching puffs of white shoot off again as if the snow were falling a second time. There are days when I look into the dark and stormy clouds and imagine myself flying through them, cutting them apart like a machete to a bean bag, and laugh as the beads of water spill out onto the inhabitants below. When I see the sun setting over the desert, I imagine the sky to be permanently changed to red, or else a vivid green, or the more subdued tones of lilac and lavender. When I think of beaches, I fantasize about wearing shorts and a jacket, hopping from rock to rock overlooking a tide pool full of oddly assorted sea creatures. I revel in the old fashioned machinery that dots the countryside and speaks volumes of the technological advances that have come in the past fifty years. & every instance where I feel this way is accompanied by the shame of adulthood, and not feeling secure enough in that status to lay propriety to the wayside and just go crazy.

I would love to travel, wandering from one location to the next and drinking in the country, city, town-- whatever atmosphere that I find. I don't know why, but I'm often restless, never wanting to stay in the same area for too long. If ever I were to find a spot that I could consider on a more permanent scale as my 'home', then it would have to have all of the charms that I look for everywhere... Of course, a place can be breathtakingly beautiful and all the advantages of pleasant weather, but if you have no connection to the people who are there, then it's no different than the mundane, dreary habitation. Beauty has always been meant to be shared, and there's no reason to ever exclude someone you care about from all of the beauties of this world. I want to share the world, but that would mean opening myself up again to someone, all the while running the terrible risk of being further aggrieved by my associations. Maybe that's where people go wrong... Expressing joy in leads towards the chance of having someone or something enter into that part of your heart which, if abused, can never fully heal on its own. Save your inner child.