...a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. (Alfred A. Knopf)
The other day I was walking home from school, as I am prone to do on a daily basis, and reflecting over the events that had just transpired in my life. I mean, it's a good 20 minute walk from the Talmage building, so why not utilize that time to ponder? As I neared my dwelling unit (a really awesome house), an attractive specimen of the opposite gender, who happens to be in my ward, asked me how my linear algebra class was faring. Not in those awkwardly eloquent terms, though. Naturally, being the Amanda that I am, I stammered out some ridiculously cheesy saying that I'm pretty sure my brain has put a mental block on due to the embarrassment that particular memory would command...
Which got me to musing about the question itself.... "How's your (Epsilon) class doing?"... I had just spent about... five hours in the Math Lab-- how could I possibly give an unbiased answer to that question? Granted, when people ask for your opinion, they are looking for bias-- if bias is absent then how could you possibly claim it to be
your opinion? But my opinions are more like flow variables, always changing from the currents of life. That particular day I would have been ripe to answer that I absolutely detested that class and would like to have it listen to Vogonic poetry... At the same time, I remembered that at other times I could get homework done in about a half hour, and found it very manageable. The more I thought about it, the more I took into account everything, and the less accurate my sentiments became to me. My opinions at that time weren't the ones that I'll hold for that class in the Long Run; I could be feeling very differently a week from now, or a month, or a month and a day... The point is, the reason you can't give an accurate depiction of a class right after you've been doing homework for it is that your perceptions at that point in time are so skewed... Like kissing.
I'm sorry for those of you who will be disgusted that I'm comparing math and affection, as I'm sure there are many out there who think that the two should never come near each other (as in, if math came near affection, then affection would wilt into a dismal depression, thereby killing much of the love and happiness in the world. Keep them far apart), but as for me and my... closet... um, ... well, to me mathematics
is the ultimate language of love; if a guy can recite equations or economic theories or really
really integrate some beast of an equation, it's about as seductive to me as Shakespeare or poetry to the more normal type of female...
That was a long aside... But yes, kissing. Romance.
Love, if you will. When you're so overcome by passion and have those rose-coloured glasses over your eyes (or my special heart glasses!), can you really say what someone is like? I'm not talking about the couples who have been married for 45 years, but the relationships formed around me in the "Single" world... Well, in my world at least. I have the tendency to see most people in a way that I hope for them to become, especially if I feel a romantic pull towards them. I see the people struggling with some difficulty eventually being able to overcome that with the proper help, and try my darndest to overlook the minor annoyances of my peers and associates. They recommend this kind of thinking of others in such places as church and the Bible and so on. Should be a good thing, right? Uh... except for when it gets me in trouble with the men-folk. I need to get a better handle on that whole, 'all things in moderation' aspect of life... I am an idiot when it comes to guys. If I like a guy, and that guy does something big like kiss me, then woah! My previous, level-headed views on what constitutes a jerk or a gentlemen are defenestrated. Usually, the guy is a jerk (according to my roommates and male confidantes, but maybe they're just taking my side), but no matter how hard I try, I'll just see him as wonderful, trying his hardest, and hey-- everyone messes up now and then. So, he can be a total "lame-face" to me, and really jerk me around, but I can't hold him to that. I call this the positive externality of kissing. This is where the guy's personality, appearance, and behaviour all get a huge boost because of the spillover from the extreme emotions I connect with a kiss. It's 'too much of a good thing'. When you're already in a good, solid emotionally founded relationship then this affection addition can really help to solidify your basis and strengthen your connection. If you're just starting out and not even sure if you fancy the fellow or not, then it's what I see as a huge problem, because in my experience that's usually a pretty good indicator that the guy *is* a jerk, but I only realize that in retrospect. I mean, if I had realized that the guy was a jerk before I let myself get so emotionally attached (& with some men that comes on very quickly for me) then there'd be no way in the University of Utah that I'd consider swapping genetic tissue from our mouths... gross!
I was born on Easter; that heightens my affinity for that holiday. I especially like what it stands for religiously. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I've never celebrated Lent, though... Well, I'm going to try it out this time around. I am going to give up kissing. This may seem like a bit of cheating, as I'm not currently dating anyone, but I'm going to work on that too. Besides, that whole aspect usually never comes up in situations where I'm expecting it-- that's why I had to make a rule for myself to not kiss a guy on the first time
studying with him... This should be interesting: Amanda, trying to jump into the dating scene again, with a goal to not kiss anyone in any form until after Easter. When is Easter, anyway?
