No healthcare system is perfect...

...because infinite demands must always be met with finite resources. (Ikegami and Campbell)

I used that quote in my paper on the Japanese Health Care System, mainly because it sounded pretty & I needed to put in more quotes (most of my citing was just paraphrasing). Anyway, the point to all of this is that

I AM DONE WITH MY ECON PAPER!!!

(finally...)

Hmm.. for some reason I was hoping to make that all bigger... Oh well, the message is still the same. I can't believe how relieved I am to have that over with. Gone. Kaput. The only thing that will make things better is to get a call from Professor Showalter in the morning or afternoon telling me that he did get my email. Otherwise I am going to absolutely go crazy with fear and despair. & after all that I've been through to get this paper to this stage, I am NOT about to let it slip through and be for nothing.

I just wanted everyone to know, is all. If you want to see my dastardly deed, then please feel free to email me. I also have a pretty awesome term paper from my history of creativity II class that is entertaining to read, if you're interested (it compares jazz, impressionism, and guerrilla warfare). Okay, I definitely need to retire; the hour of repose is drawing nigh unto me...

In the tradtion....

The Cougar Song
Brigham Young University
By Clyde D. Sandgren, 1932
Rise all loyal Cougars and hurl your challenge to the foe.
We will fight, day or night, rain or snow.
Loyal, strong, and true
Wear the white and blue.
While we sing, get set to spring.
Come on Cougars it's up to you. Oh!

Rise and shout, the Cougars are out
along the trail to fame and glory.
Rise and shout, our cheers will ring out
As you unfold your victr'y story.
On you go to vanquish the foe for Alma Mater's sons and daughters.
As we join in song, in praise of you, our faith is strong.
We'll raise our colors high in the blue
And cheer our Cougars of BYU.

I had hoped that it wouldn't hit me like this, but it has. I sorely miss Marching Band. Like, it's almost pathetic at the way I've been pining away for it the past few weeks. Granted, I had been looking forward to this week since the end of April, so it's no surprise that since my personal plans have changed like this that I would suddenly become indifferent to the vibrant life and thrill of donning a thick wool jacket and unflattering slacks and blowing your heart out on the smooth grass of LaVell Edwards stadium. Still, it's unsettling to me that as I whip up delicious smoothies and sandwiches inside an air conditioned building that I would long to be outside in loose-fitting attire and sweating after they tell us that we'll be "running through pre-game for the last time today" for the fifth time in a row... As I try my best to prepare myself to go out into the service of the Lord with all my heart and mind, I find that a large part of my heart is still inside my trombone, just bursting to escape into the Wasatch Mountains... I know that the Cougs will have a stellar season, & I had been looking forward to seeing David Tafuna in action (I helped him out in some of his classes last year as part of my job as a tutor at the SAB), and watching as they annihilate the much loathed Yewts, but I won't be doing that now. All I really want to see happen (other than many Cougar victories) is for my mission call to come sometime this semester. Not only do I need that to properly file a deferred enrollment, but I don't want to have missed this football/ marching season in vain. I love those bones, and even if they forget me, I'll never forget what those people have done for me.

Life is an exciting business, ...

...and most exciting when it is lived for others. (Helen Keller)

It is without much further ado that I happily announce that I have started my mission papers! Most of my known associates will have no idea as to the degree of difficulty that it's been for me to reach this spot on itself; suffice it to say that this hasn't been a splendid year for me in the emotional camp... Yet now my lifelong goal is withing grasp, and I feel as though I can finally let myself move forward and drop the spotlight that's been hounding my personal life. I don't want to spend another year and a half as a clueless, self-absorbed little Mormon girl in the middle of Mormon Mecca-- I want to get out there and focus everything I have on the people that really need it. Am I ready for all of the rigors and difficulties of missionary life? I don't think anyone really is, not 100%, but I'm gearing up for it. People may spit in my face and threaten my life, but that won't stop me from going out and bringing some people to a better understanding of Christ and His atonement... I know that any little thing I can do for people now is better than what I might be doing for myself in a worse mindset.

I hope that I can get things underway quickly. I wonder if this might be how the 10 virgens of Christ's parable felt while they waited for the bridegroom to come. All I can do is to prepare myself in the best way possible and try to do some good on my way out. I'm trying to forget the sadness that has flooded to me because of what I gave up for this week. Admittedly, it was the hardest thing for me to let go for the next two years: marching band/pep band. Those musical groups have quite literally felt like family for the past two years... I think of my section as my surrogate brothers and sisters, helping me to deal with life at Provo. There are so many cool trombone/ other instrumentalist friends that I'm leaving so last minute like that probably will be all graduated and/ or married by the time I get back from wherever it is that I'm going... I wish I could have had a better good-bye, but I didn't know I'd be leaving until this past June. Up until then, I was all set to become section leader for this season. I realized the other day as I was mopping up at Podge's, that the only possible way for me to willingly leave the band is because I love my Heavenly Father. There's no other way. Some people cry because they won't see their biological family for 2 years, but I know that they'll still be around when I get back. It's the musical family that I'll really miss. But there's no other business that I'd rather undertake right now than the Lord's.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend...

... inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. (Groucho Marx)

I've been meaning to post this train of thought for a while, but my internet time is very few and far between. Translation: internet is for directly connecting to people through emails and such, and blogging is secondary. Never matter, I shall divulge my inner musings now...

About a month ago, I was waiting for my older sister to get ready for church (the single's ward here starts at 1pm, and my older sister likes to wake up at the wee hour of 11:45am... tragic, I know). Anyway, I abated my boredom by taking up the time with my usual associates in this household: my 1 year old golden retriever, Willow. Technically, Willow's still a puppy, but she is also technically fricken' huge. That's the technical term... However, she still acts as if she's the size of our Lhasa Apso, Ralph, which translates over to her inability to eat anything unless you're there encouraging her to do so. Perhaps she's merely spoiled, but that doesn't matter. Anyway, I was there, about an hour before church, sitting next to Willow's food while she leaned up next to me and ate her food.

I realized that despite her physical appearance, she was very much a puppy. A child, if you will. Suddenly, I got it. We are all children of God. Spiritual Puppies. Even though we look like fully matured human beings, we are no different from my Willow Pillow. Just as she is dependent on her human masters to survive and be happy, we are ultimately dependent on the Master. He sets out our nourishment, and it is up to us whether we want to partake and live, or refuse and waste away until life ceases to offer us its wonders. We're often told to become like a child in the gospel-humble, submissive and teachable -- but sometimes it's hard to imagine just how much we really are. It's kind of like being told to act our age, really. Stop pretending that we hold all of the answers, solutions, and know-how when it comes to life, and realize that in order to really survive we must rely on our Lord & Savior, and trust in Him like puppies to their masters...