brusca, incitante, a conocer mi vida..." Pablo Naruda
There you have it. He's gone. Not quite as suddenly nor as inspiringly from my life as he came to know it, but I won't see him for two years now. Perhaps longer, maybe even forever... Sam is now in the MTC. I know, I know - I said long ago that I wouldn't wait for a missionary. I even figured that coming to BYU as a transfer student would spare me from that whole situation, & considered myself to be quite clever. Okay, I didn't really think of myself as clever, but I never thought I would date a Pre-Mish... I never thought that I would fall in love with an anime-loving, Gumby tie- wearing, Computer Science major from Wisconsin, but I did. I even gave him a spatula, & what better way to say 'I love you' than with the gift of a spatula...? He's such a wonderful guy & I'm sure that he'll be the most amazing missionary ever.
There you have it. He's gone. Not quite as suddenly nor as inspiringly from my life as he came to know it, but I won't see him for two years now. Perhaps longer, maybe even forever... Sam is now in the MTC. I know, I know - I said long ago that I wouldn't wait for a missionary. I even figured that coming to BYU as a transfer student would spare me from that whole situation, & considered myself to be quite clever. Okay, I didn't really think of myself as clever, but I never thought I would date a Pre-Mish... I never thought that I would fall in love with an anime-loving, Gumby tie- wearing, Computer Science major from Wisconsin, but I did. I even gave him a spatula, & what better way to say 'I love you' than with the gift of a spatula...? He's such a wonderful guy & I'm sure that he'll be the most amazing missionary ever.
I'm not 'waiting' for him. He is not my boyfriend. For the next two years, he is going to be in a serious relationship with the LORD, & who am I to try to vie for his affections, to try to distract him from the work that he has been called to do? I have my own life to live, & I can't waste the next two years pining after the best man I have ever dated... We came to an understanding while he was in WI & I was (am) in UT-- that I should date. Or, at least, try to. If we're both still single by the time he gets back, then he said he'd like to give it another go-round, but that is assuming a lot of things. It's assuming that he'll still want me in his life, that I'll still be around, that no one else will come in the way. People change a lot in two years, I mean, I've changed sooo much just in this past year alone! My DNA is still the same ( I hope... cursed zombie-vampires...) but life led me on a little lane of experience and growth... I know that Sam was the perfect guy for me before he embarked on the road of missionary-ness, but who's to say that it'll still be true on the other side of Arizona & my graduation? {btw, I'm mainly writing this for me... I don't much care who all sees this} In short ("too late"), I have to let him go & trust that as long as I'm doing what's right that God will lead me to the life that He needs me to have, whether it leads me back to Elder Sieber or not. Translation: I have to try to let other guys into my life. For my sake as well as for Sammy's. Sigh...
So now what? Well, I figured I'd post a bunch of pictures of Sam. Yup. May as well, since I won't see him for a while. & since after this I won't have any new ones of him, really, to post. Maybe in three months I'll have some of me with someone new, maybe I'll never really fall in love again... Just gotta live & see where it takes us, eh?
Dinosaur Sam???
I guess you could consider the Heart Glasses Night as a precursor to the path that Sam & I would take together... Full of silliness, hearts, and much laughter and good times...
I think this was the day when I realized how much I liked Sam. I mean, I liked him before, as a friend and all, but seeing him with alien & lobster balloons really captured my heart... & after that I decided that a 4 year age difference didn't really matter at all. If only I had figured this out earlier-- I might have enjoyed much more Sam-time...
...but it had to come to an end, & much sooner than I wanted to, I found myself driving my Samurai to the SLC airport so he could get ready for his mission from the convenience of his home in Green Bay, Wisconsin. His flight was delayed for a few hours, so we went to the Pie, but he was the one to take photographs there, & for some reason he couldn't find any pics later... :(
Of course, the next time we would see him, we won't have the luxury to be nearly so close or comfortable with each other. Gotta follow mission rules, & keep it at arm's distance and a nice firm handshake...
Naturally, his last meal before the MTC would be none other than 'Kung Fu' Panda Express... & his creative/random/Samish side emerges at the end of the meal (not that it was hiding much :P)
Till we meet again, Elder Sieber. <3
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