Everybody's got something to hide,

...except for me and my monkey" the Beatles

Sometimes I wish I could go running and running and running to my heart's content, never stopping or slowing down, but as soon as I face the doorway to the expansive world outside, I realize that I don't know where I would go, or why I'd be going. So I stop, perplexed at the notion that you can run for the sake of running. I need a reason to run, a reason to fly over the pavement and pant until my breathing is able to normalize itself, a reason to venture out and feel free. Also, my only pair of tennis shoes kind of suck-- I got them in January and they're kind of falling apart in the heels. For some reason, I also feel very ridiculous running by myself. I would love to go running with another person, or with a dog, but the by my onesy thing for some reason feels unsettling. I love to bike on my own, but running, not so much. Yet I always want to fly away.

Apparently, chase dreams are supposed to symbolize fleeing from some problem that keeps coming up, or your unwillingness to face the tides of change in your current life. I'm pretty sure I'm always running from something in my dreams. What is it that I'm hiding from? Maybe that's why I get overcome with the desire to run during the day-- part of me is just trying to escape reality. The odd thing is, I think that life is pretty fine right now. My roommates are awesome, Provo is beautiful, my work is okay, and I get to watch movies in my Spanish class. I have enough money to eat well, and I am head over heels for an amazing guy. Okay, so that amazing guy is in Green Bay right now, and I might not be able to see him for at least 2 years, but as long as I can still call him, as long as letters can make to AZ from UT and back, as long as he still cares to have me in his life,,, I'll be fine. I just miss him. I'm fighting the silly urge to request a Fri/Sat off work so I can fly to him (literally) and hold his hand one more time before he gets set apart. But that's just silly. Irrational. Over dramatic. Yet, as I walked to class yesterday, all I wanted to do was leave for the weekend because I don't have class on Monday.

About two years ago, I just wanted to leave Provo. Get out, and just keep driving until I got too tired and I'd rent a hotel room in the first town I could find. I'd just keep going after that, driving and driving until I felt like it was time to come back to Glenwood. Going to places I've never seen before. The only thing that really stopped me was the fact that my brother had entrusted me with his car, and I knew that he wouldn't want all of that unnecessary mileage on it. So I had to settle for driving around parts of Provo that I'd never ventured to before. I just kept trying to find the highest point I could so that I could look out on everything and let my mind imagine that it was flying off to the edge of the horizon. I did find a pretty cool church parking lot on the top of this little hill thingy, and you can see a lot of Provo & Orem from there, but not BYU campus, which was very important. I didn't want to get up someplace just to see the small area where most of my life occurs... It's very peaceful up there. Sometimes I go back when I'm feeling particularly down about something. It's my escape. & it's a lot closer to home than some random field in the middle of Montana...

On a related note, I love driving up to work. Well, the view that it brings... For some reason, when I look at Timp and the gorgeous backdrop that it provides, especially that one cliff part, I can't help but to think of the cliffs of Gondor from Lord of the Rings. I guess APX is cool to work at if you think of yourself as working in Middle Earth, trying to keep the forces of Mordor from invading the homes of hobbits the nation over. &, I'm done. Huzzah for random pointlessness...